


So It All Meant Nothing...

by cherri_cola



Series: waiting [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Love, M/M, Unrequited, Unrequited Love, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherri_cola/pseuds/cherri_cola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waiting...He's so sick of it, so tired of it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Im sorry for the feelings this may cause I was listening to extremely angsty music and this all started in a groupchat, but please enjoy!

Hinata was annoyed, sad, depressed whatever you call that mix of emotions he doesn’t know. But he can feel them, tears rolling down his cheeks. He doesn’t want to cry, but here he is. He’s in the room where all the cleaning supplies are. The broken broom the third years had told them about leaning on the wall. This room has a lot of sad stories, for their team, for past teams and now himself. He’s done with it, constantly playing tag with someone who’s blind. Someone who can’t notice a single thing when everyone else does. He finds his head in his hands, trying to stifle sobs as they wrack through hiss body, silent cries making their way through. Why’s he doing this to himself, why’s he crying like this? He shouldn’t be crying, they just won, they’re going to nationals. Why does he feel this? This sinking feeling…This emptiness. Everything’s been dug out of him, bit by bit, and now there’s almost nothing left. 

“Hinata?” He hears footsteps and immediately stands up, trying to wipe his face. He grabs his volleyball jacket and slings it over his shoulder, “Hey you okay?” It’s him, the person he’d so hopelessly fallen for.

“Go away.” It’s a voice, but not his own. It’s broken and cracking,

“Why’re you crying?” Kageyama asks, he’s seen Hinata cry before. But it was always because of sport, the club, winning or losing.

“You’re stupid. That’s why!” Hinata shouts, not able to hold it in any longer. 

 

Suga walks into the gym, the net was still up and balls were still around the court. He knows that Hinata andKageyama had been rostered on clean up. He also knows that they have something going on. Kageyama was always too stupid to pick it up. He brings himself out of his thoughts when he sees his bag left on the other side of the court. He walks over to pick it up, he’s about to leave when he hears shouting coming from the janitor’s room. It’s Hinata, shouting, his voice was cracking and croaky. He’d been crying, he could tell. Kageyama must be in there as well, Hinata was obviously pissed. Playing the waiting game barely worked, sure it had worked for him and Daichi, but it rarely did. He sighs as he walks out of the building, 

“It’s better to leave them to sort out their own issues…” He sighs as he closes the door behind him. _If they screw up during games…Then I’ll have to get Daichi to talk to them…_

 

*~*

 

Hinata stormed out of the room, wiping his face madly. He couldn't stop them, the tears, but god he wants them to. He doesn't want to cry, he doesn't want to seem weak infront of Kageyama but he can’t help it. They’re just flowing, endlessly…

 

Kageyama’s standing there, looking down at his hands. He knows he’s crying, he can feel the tears hitting his hands. He knows Hinata’s pissed at him, he can't say he doesn't know why though. Because he does, and that would be the worst lie he’s ever told himself. He can never _say it,_ say the words. Hinata’s never said them either, but it’s always been an unspoken agreement. Something neither of them talked about but knew that would have to be how it happens. He’s not scared, or ashamed of his feelings. He doesn’t know what he is, but he also doesn't know what to say…

 

*~*

 

Hinata stops outside his house and he has to take some time just standing outside, leaning against the wall. It was dark, he finds it comforting. The dark, it enveloped him, he felt like he was able to let out everything in the dark. He always did, whenever he needed to cry he’d wait until he was in the dark. Whenever he’s just about to break, boil over he waits until he’s alone, in his room at night, then he just lets it out. He doesn’t know if his mum and sister can hear him, but he hopes they can’t. He’s always happy and carefree in front of others.

“Big brother?” He hears light foot steps padding lightly on the ground, it’s his sister. He can’t let her see him like this, he’s a mess. He’s been crying for the past three hours and it’s not really something he can hide easily. 

“Hey Natsu…” He trails off, sniffling, bringing his sleeve up to his face and rubbing it again.

“Why’re you sad?” Almost the exact same words as _his_ come out of his sister’s mouth. He’s lost it, everything he just starts sobbing, then and there. Wails, cries, lonely ones.

“Big brother…Dont cry, please whatever it is I’ll fix it! I’ll fix it! Natsu will make it better!” He smiles through his pain and his tears. The younger girl was adorable, she was just trying to fix everything, she just wants him to go back to his normal happy self. 

“You promise?” He says, swallowing everything, even if only for a few seconds, the tears stopped. He holds out his pinky until Natsu links hers with his before she runs back inside pulling him by his hand. 

 

As soon as he gets inside he’s greeted with the warmth of his home. His family, the pictures of their father on the wall and his mother behind the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner. He smiles as he sees her and he almost feels the tears come again,

“Hinata, how was practice??” She asks, smiling. Hinata felt his bottom lip quivering. “Oh honey…Come here…” He goes to her, burying himself in his mothers arms. He cries, he cries not surrounded by darkness, not outside. He cries to someone, for once. She pulls away from him, tears still flowing from his face. 

“Hinata…What happened?”

“I’m sick of it Mum…Waiting for him…”

“I know you are Honey, I know…” He feels comfort, comfort at the hand on the back of his head. He likes the touch of others. He likes people, so when they’re able to talk to him like this, simply telling him it’ll all be okay. He feels as if weight has been lifted from his shoulders. But this time…This time the tears won’t stop and this time his mother’s touch does nothing to make him feel better. He’s still crying, still sobbing, he’s like a child recovering from a nightmare.

 

*~*

 

Kageyama knows, he knows he screwed up. So when he gets home, finds a note on the fridge that simply says: _We’ll be back late, dinner’s in the fridge! xo Mum & Dad_. He punches the wall, putting a hole in it. Pain courses through his arm, going up to his shoulder and registering with him. _Good,_ this is what he should be feeling. And he does, but he can’t cry. He can’t do it, there are no tears, no nothing. Just him and a sinking feeling, a feeling of nothing. 

“Why…” Kageyama whispers, “Why can’t I cry?”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy can turn things around...Hopefully

It’s been weeks since he’s been alone with Kageyama, he hates being around the other now. It makes him depressed, they can still play well together but they’ll slip up every now and then. Hinata can tell the team doesn't know what’s going on, he doesn't get why they haven’t asked. No one’s pointed out the fact that they don’t race each other any more, that they aren’t playfully fighting. No one says anything, he notices even more of the little things now. The way Kageyama looks at him, trying to form words, trying to at least say something to him. But it’s all too late, too late for either of them to do anything. He’s just tired of it, it’s as if Kageyama’s given up. Which is exactly what Hinata doesn’t want, he doesn't want Kageyama to give up. He wants Kageyama to say it! Hinata dropped hints when they used to walk past Ukai’s shop and get food, he even said _I like you, a-as a lot m-more._ God dammit he’s so frustrated what does it take to get someone to admit?! He hears it, the ball bouncing on the court. The noise becoming all too familiar to him, they’re out of sync. 

“Hinata…” He feels someone touch his shoulder, 

“Get off of me.” He doesn't want to be touched, by anyone. 

 

Kageyama wants to shout at him like he used to, tell him to speed up, move his feet faster. How can he shout at him like that though?! How could he bring himself to do that. He fucked up, badly, he should’ve said it but now he can feel Hinata slowly slipping away. He watches the short boy leave the court to sit on the bench. He notices the small things, the way he’s shaking, the way his hands tousle his hair. He notices Suga walk out and sit next to him, not touching him. He was just there. He’s jealous that someone who isn’t him can do that. 

“KAGEYAMA!” Daichi shouts, he’s knocked to the ground after the volleyball hits him in the face. 

 

*~*

 

Daichi has to talk to them, he has to. He doesn’t want to bring up their personal lives or anything like that, but it’s affecting their game. They have to be on their best to get through nationals, to win and they can’t have one thing off about their game, let alone two. He looks at the clock and sees that there’s only a minute left of practice. They had one point left to win the practice match and they were receiving first. He finds himself moving towards the served ball and doing a solid receive. Kageyama tosses it to Asahi who then decides to use a straight, winning the point. He grins as they all walk off of the court, it’s practically wiped off his face as soon as he sees Hinata. He’s just sitting there, looking forward at the wall with red, blotchy eyes. He clears his throat, 

“Kageyama, Hinata, come here.” He says almost dragging them along behind him. They’re now on the other side of the gym, away from everyone else. “You two need to get your heads in the game. Yes we all know something’s happened, but hell keep it out of your head when you’re on the court. Not only did I work hard to get here, you did to, so please don’t throw away your and the rest of the team’s work! We’re not asking you to be all buddy buddy, but at least play together like you used to!” 

“O..Of course, I’m sorry!” Kageyama bows,

“Sorry! I won’t do it again!” Hinata smiles, bouncing up and down. Of course both of them were acting, but of course they would try not to let it affect their game. It couldn’t affect their game, not when they're this far through in the competition. 

 

Hinata was cold, cold towards Kageyama now, he didn’t speak to him, or only when he had to. He didn’t walk next to him anymore, he mainly talked to Noya and Yatchi. Yatchi had bought it up only once and Noya never had. So it was nice talking to them they never said anything about it. He’d been trying to think of something, something desperate that he could do, something that could actually make Kageyama tell him. It hits him, the noise of the other two fades to the back of his mind as he slowly connects the dots. He smiles, that’s it, he can get Kageyama if he does this. This one thing. 

 

*~*

 

He didn’t know what led him to be standing outside Aoba Johsai, but here he is. His bike’s leaning against the wall outside the gym as he walks over shyly. He peers into the courts and he’s shocked at how big it is, again. He doesn't think he’ll ever be over it if he’s being completely honest, compared to Karasuno’s it’s like a whole new place. Then comparing it to where he played during middle school…He shakes his head before hiding behind the wall and peeking out from it. He saw him, the grand king talking to his team, their practice had obviously just finished as well. Hinata felt nervous, scared, what if it doesn’t work? What if Kageyama doesn’t get jealous of him? What if Oikawa manages to find out that he’s just being used? He brings himself out of his thoughts before sliding down against the wall. He waits…the thing he’s so sick of doing. This time it only took a couple of minutes though, not months. 

 

Oikawa had to do a double take when he saw the red haired player from Karasuno sitting against the wall. Why’s he here? He shrugs his shoulders before going on towards the gates, Hinata was probably there to spy on their practice yet again. He laughs at the thought, if Hinata had thought he was being discreet then he’s stupid. 

“WAIIIIIIIIIIIIT!” He turns around to see Hinata fall flat on his face. He starts to laugh, it’s funny, he’s a volleyball player with endless stamina who’s an absolute klutz. It’s cute though, the face that he’s always so happy and clumsy. Oikawa doesn't help Hinata up, he just watches as he brushes himself off. It was even cuter when he saw that Hinata was blushing. His face was tinted red with a lopsided grin pasted onto it. 

“Hey, you wanna go out sometime? My treat!” Hinata says, that sickly grin still on his face. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a massive surprise concerning Hinata's new boyfriend.

 

Hinata put his hand behind his head and leant his head to one side, his cheeks weren't burning but they felt warm. He knows that he’s blushing, anyone would blush in this situation. He doesn’t like Oikawa a bit, but hell if he wants Kageyama to be his this is how he’s gonna do it. Hopefully jealousy can be the game changer, hopefully it will make Kageyama confess. He notices a warm smile appear on Oikawa’s face, everyone else had left the school grounds. It was just them, alone and he was waiting. He hates waiting, he’s sick of it. 

“Sure! As long as I get to do one thing right now.” Oikawa grins, Hinata finds himself simply nodding his head. He notices Oikawa moving closer to him, his hand caressing his cheek. Hinata doesn’t want this, he doesn't want to kiss Oikawa. He wants to kiss Kageyama, maybe…Maybe if he just pretends…Maybe that will work…

 

*~*

 

It’d been weeks since they’d had a proper interaction, it’d been weeks since Kageyama had said anything to his teammate. Hinata never talks to him, he avoids his eyes, he avoids him in the hallways, he’s avoiding Kageyama. He can tell that he’s purposely avoiding him, whenever he tries to pull him aside there’s some bullshit excuse. He sighs as he sits down at his desk and gets out his books. He’s been burying himself in his school work recently, which isn’t like him. He didn’t really have anything that could distract him as well as work though…

“See ya, Yatchi!” Hinata cheerily shouts as he sits in the seat just in front of Kageyama. Kageyama leans forward to tap the other on the shoulder, maybe he’ll listen to him for once. 

“Hinata…” 

“Kageyama!” The other says enthusiastically, as he usually does with everyone else. He hadn’t been like this towards him for weeks, almost a month…

“Listen, sorry about the cold shoulder! But I’m doing okay now, I’ve got a boyfriend so…” He trails off, his eyes sparkling at the thought, “Just can we still be friends!” He says, that usual stupid grin appearing on his face.

“S…Sure we can still be friends dumbass!” That’s when their teacher walks in, and he can’t focus for the rest of the class. Simply because he can’t imagine who else Hinata, could or would go out with. He shakes it off and looks down at the unintelligible notes written. He’s screwed for his exams…

 

Practice, Hinata’s hitting his tosses and Kageyama’s tosses aren’t going too fast or anything so it all seems to be okay. They’re all having a break now, talking about strategy, how they could improve when Hinata suddenly sprints away from the group. The rest of the group does nothing but he feels a comforting hand on his shoulder as he takes it in. Hinata’s blushing and grinning with what looks to be stars in his eyes up at Oikawa. Oikawa of all people Hinata had to go out with it’s Oikawa, he’s angry. Hinata knows that they went to the same school, that Oikawa practically fucking taught him to play volleyball. 

“I’m done, I’ll do the clean up tomorrow…” He trails off before walking out of the gym.

 

Hinata notices Kageyama leaving out of the corner of his eye, he feels happy, happy because his plan is actually working. Something that he came up with is working, not something that their captain came up with, not something Tsukishima came up with, but his idea. He’s giddy, he wants to jump up and click his heels together. He almost does but then he realises he’d have to explain it to Oikawa so he refrains himself. 

“How was practice today, it looks like you and Kageyama are having trouble…” 

“Oh…Oh that! That’s nothing! We’re trying out a new toss that’s all!! Don’t worry about it!” Hinata laughs nervously rambling on, he can’t afford to let someone find out that he’s only using someone. That’s a whole new level of terrible, and he’s never really done this before. He’s had it done to him once or twice, but that was it. 

“Really? Okay! Are you guys done with practice? It looks like everyone’s cleaning up.” Oikawa smiles, waving towards the rest of the team. 

“Uh yeah…I guess so!” Hinata trails off. He feels his hand being pulled and then he’s being dragged. He can keep up but he’s stumbling over his own feet.

“Where’re we going!” 

“You’ll see!” 

 

*~*

 

Kageyama and Hinata had both left the gym, leaving the rest of the team, alone and to clean up. Maybe this was best though, they need to talk about what’s going on. Maybe they can fix it, they may seem like they’re okay but seeing Oikawa there…it’s something no one expected. No one knows what to say, how to fix it, who should talk. They know that Daichi’s already talked to them, but that did nothing for either of them. Plus no one knew that Hinata would go out with Oikawa of all people, some know why, some don’t and some just don’t care.

“We need them to just play together. We don’t need them to be friends or anything right?” Tanaka points out, lifting a blanket of awkward silence, 

“They can’t play together as well now!” Suga almost shouts, “They’ve been having issues for a while now and we all know that there was something going on…” Suga trails off, he doesn't want to bring up what he heard…He can’t bring that up, it'll put the whole team on edge…

“Suga…what do you know?” Daichi asks, calmly, “We just want them back to their old selves, we want them having their stupid competitions and fighting like they used to. Maybe we can help…”

“You can’t help them Daichi! We can’t help them! This is something they have to sort out on their own…”

“Suga…We at least want to know, do you understand that?” Asahi says, softly 

“Of course I understand…” He doesn't want to say it, he doesn't want to tell everyone. 

 

“They had a fight…maybe a month back now…They were on cleanup together….”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's best just to let some things go...

 

Weeks and come and gone, so had months. They’d managed to win the volleyball tournament somehow, not that he really cares anymore. He’s just done with the constant feeling of jealousy in the pit of his stomach, but it wasn’t just that. He didn’t just feel jealous, he also felt depressed, some days he couldn’t even bring himself to go outside. If Hinata had gone out with anyone else he would’ve been fine, well not fine, but better off than he is now. No, he had to choose fucking Oikawa of all people. He’d considered quitting the volleyball team just because he hates seeing Hinata run out of that room to someone else. He still can’t bring himself to say it though. He figured that’s what this is all about a while back, jealousy. Hinata trying to get him to confess, sure they still could play together but it was harder now. They weren’t as close, they didn't used to act close but they knew they were. The way that Hinata could trust him had completely changed, it’s as if there was something lodged there but you can’t get it out, it’s immovable. He sits up in his bed giving up on sleep, again. He pulls the covers off, standing up and pulling off his pyjamas, putting on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a beanie before slipping on a pair of shoes. He’s just starting to get over this whole mess as well…

 

Hinata laughs, blushing and grinning. He’d found that he’d actually started to fall for Oikawa…There was no more pretending when he was with him now. He didn’t have to think that he’s someone else. He didn’t have to trick himself. Now whenever he’s around he can feel like himself, he doesn’t have to pretend. He felt his hand being taken in Oikawas and he finds himself blushing and looking away. 

“You’re doing it again.”

“D..Doing what?” 

“Looking away from me!” Oikawa laughs, “It’s cute…”

“No it’s not!” He feels his cheeks growing hotter as he turns to look into the other’s eyes, 

“You’re also cute cause you’re short.” 

“Sh..Shut up, I am not short!” 

“Yes you are!” Oikawa puts his finger on Hinata’s nose, 

“Why’d you just boop my nose?”

“Because you’re cute.” Hinata feels butterflies in his stomach again, and he smiles. He likes being called cute, having someone who’s actually able to voice their feelings. He doesn’t have to wait anymore. He lets go of Oikawa’s hand and stands up on his toes, slinging his arm around the other’s neck. He’s never done this, initiated anything with someone else…He leans in and he almost melts. The feeling was something else, different to when he was pretending, to before he moved on. 

 

Kageyama looks in front of him, there’re traffic lights and he recognises the fiery orange hair…He’s about to shout out. Maybe they can sort stuff out, be like they used to, they still talked, but not as much anymore…Then he takes in the whole image and almost lets out a cry. He feels tears well up in his eyes, Oikawa’s there…Hinata’s arms around him…If anything this would be cute to others. Happy, the perfect couple, but to him it’s the complete opposite. He can’t stand it, he doesn’t say anything, he hopes neither of the two notice him. Well of course they wouldn’t, they were too busy with each other…

 

*~*

 

Hinata doesn’t know why Kageyama isn't talking to him, why he’s keeping his distance. They’d been getting along just fine before the weekend…He can’t think of why Kageyama would be annoyed. He shrugs as he gets on his bike just before he leaves school. That’s when he sees him, just about to leave, he abandons his bike.

“KAGEYAMAAAAAA!” The black haired boy swiftly turns around, his eyes immediately hardening at the sight of Hinata.

“What do you want, dumbass.”

“Why are you avoiding me? I thought we were good…”

“We are good.”

“Why are you avoiding me then?”

“I’m not avoiding you, I’m just keeping my distance from you.” 

“Aren’t they the same thing?”

“No.”

“…You sure?”

“Yes.” Hinata isn't sure whether to believe that Kageyama’s telling the truth or not, he knows they're the same thing. He doesn’t want to believe that someone’s avoiding him though, but then again if he is being avoided then he deserves it…He was a jerk towards Kageyama…Still he just wanted three words. And they never actually were said so…

 

*~*

 

It’d been three days, three days since he’d had a conversation with Hinata, but he can’t bring himself to talk to him. It’s too hard, too painful, he just wants to get over this all, never want to go through it again. He never wants to feel like this. He hates it, he feels weak, alone, just like when he was at Kitagawa…No one was ever there for him. He notices his hands balled up at his sides, he’s just a mess. An absolute mess, there’s no other way you can describe him. He can’t be around someone, someone on his own team for gods sake. It’s effecting them during practice, so how will it effect them during games…What if he brings out his old toss again. He can’t do that not again, he looks at the gym, he doesn't want to go in there to practice, but he knows he has to. They won fucking nationals, of course they've gotta keep practice up…If only one person doesn't show, then it puts the whole team off. He takes a couples of massive breaths, mainly to keep him in check, he’ll be okay, it will all be okay…He just has to toss a ball a certain way and the rest is covered by someone else. It’s not too hard, it has to work out in the end…It can’t not work out…But if it doesn’t then what will he do? He takes on more breath before walking into the gym, 

“Kageyama! You doing okay?” Suga smiles, walking over and patting him on the back, “I’ve been filling in for you the past couple sessions…Hinata said you were sick so…” He just nods, Hinata had _covered_ for him?! It’s not something completely unexpected, but it’s not something that he thought would happen…

“I’m fine.” He nods his head at Suga before waving to Ukai and walking out onto the court.

 

_It’ll be okay…_

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again~
> 
> I warned about angst did I not?! Anyways, ahah I hope you liked and all chapters should be here bc I decided to write all before posting C:


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